Ending The Night With God, During Our Marriage Restoration!

After about two and half years after the whole D-day announcement, Tiffany and I hadn’t quite reconciled with one another, but we shelved the conversation of divorce. Things between us had become a little more peaceful. Our children didn’t fight as much, we worked together to get our mortgage payments under control and our debt collections were consolidated. We even dug deep and asked her mother and stepsister to move out of our home. Looking back now, I’m still shocked by how hard we had to work to make it all happen. Some feelings were hurt-- maybe really hurt-- and hard decisions were made.

I sometimes feel compelled to remember to ask God for His forgiveness. I struggle now and then with feeling like I had to harden my heart towards certain people to concentrate on my family.

Breaking away from family—at least the ones that cause you more grief than needed—will take a lot from you. Even to the point of feeling like you would be better off “divorcing” the extended family. If you are good friends with your prodigal’s family or parents, then hold on to those positive relationships. I believe God allows love and acceptance to find you and become a spiritual staple to your life in many different forms.

Tiffany and the girls were in the living room together watching a family movie, huddled together near the couch. I just finished up washing the dishes from dinner and slowly made it to the open-door frame of the living room. They hadn’t noticed me, but there on the couch sat all four of them quietly watching the movie and not a single word being said between them. All my girls were only smiling at the screen and focused.

I decided to leave them alone and check up on our dog, sleeping in the hallway and not bothering to look up to me as I walked by. I walked until I made it into the kitchen and grabbed a snack out the fridge. A freshly cleaned and well-stocked sight for sore eyes, no moldy or past expired dishes and no mystery dishes that took a medical examiner to identify. I sat at the kitchen table with my snack in hand and my cellphone ready to log into YouTube for some light entertainment.

But just before my phone loaded up the first video, I dropped my phone on the table and began to cry.

Hard.

Ugly.

Silently.

This wasn’t from sadness or grieving over my life, but more so from a place of uncertainty even I had come to question:

“Is God even real? Will He save our marriage?”

My friend, there were days, even seasons when I believed God had begun to restore us, only to be met with some setback or false start. Whether it was a small spat between Tiffany and I or even a difference in opinion would cause us to lose ground with one another. I even began to think we’d be that one couple that was destined to hate one another yet be too proud to concede to the other. Living a life of unhappiness and misguided devotion.

Yet, Here I Was, Crying My Eyes Out!

God comes shows up to you and what you are shown is exactly what you can handle at that moment. No plans of mine alone led Tiffany home, no amount of overtime and P.T.O. hours added into my check covered the past due mortgage payments by my hand alone, and I certainly did not know how to speak to people to get my messages across clearly and concisely.

And Tiffany wanted out.

Every day I started with a single thought…she is gone, I failed.

My tears that night came from looking back and finally understanding how truly limited all my “wisdom” measured up to my Creator. When I gave up and allowed God to take me where He wanted me to go, that night He showed me what He had planned for me.

A quiet, clean, warm and blessed night with my family.

The Lord had blessed us with peace.

He waited for me to open my eyes and take a real good look at where we were as a household and family, how we allowed ourselves to get entangled with the enemy, instead of letting God lead our lives. I spent years surrounded by empty and half-empty liquor bottles, I even pick up smoking for a while. When I chose to #stand, those vices of mine no longer had a grip over me, it was like I never even needed them, like I never even started them.

I wiped my eyes and felt it best to pray again to God. It was time for me to give Him praise for what He had already done in our lives, and for all what He was about to do. I chewed and finished my snack as if my grandmother had just fed me my favorite dish of hers. I am the man, husband, father, and leader of my home, but that night my Lord walked with me back to the living room to be with my girls. They opened a spot for me, and all crowded around me and continued to watch the film. I knew at that moment, I didn’t just end my night watching a movie with Tiff and the girls, I had just ended my night with God.

God has been waiting on you, patiently, with the expectancy of your spiritual and mental arrival. Stand for your marriage my friend, and in the meantime work on yourself, slowly and with great care. One day, God will allow you to see where you and your spouse both were in the past and how far he has carried you from that point.

Trust in Him.

God bless,

-Ty

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